A Midlife Edit: 20 Things I No Longer Believe
Because the things I swore I’d never do? I’m doing most of them—and I feel great.
At some point in your 40s, you realize how many things you were absolutely certain about in your younger years—
and how many of them you got completely wrong.
Not in big, dramatic ways. But in the quiet, ordinary ones that sneak up on you.
You catch yourself doing the very things you once swore off:
Wearing the shoes you used to mock.
Canceling plans—and feeling relieved.
Closing a book you're not enjoying, without guilt.
And it doesn’t feel like failure.
It feels like alignment. Like ease. Like finally understanding what matters—and what never did.
This isn’t a list of regrets.
It’s a collection of soft reversals. Of opinions I’ve outgrown, choices I’ve reconsidered, and the kind of clarity that only comes with time.
Some of these shifts happened slowly. Others hit all at once—usually after I burned out, got over myself, or just ran out of energy to keep performing.
✦ Appearance & Style Beliefs
1. Birkenstocks
I used to think they were orthopedic nonsense.
Now? I own three pairs—including the shearling ones.
They’re still ugly. But now I love them.
2. Thinking I Could Tan
I used to think I could will myself into a golden glow.
Your girl is as fair as snow, and yet I spent most of my 20s chasing sunburns.
Now? Every bit of color is artificial—courtesy of a newly purchased spray tan gun. Spray tans for everyone.
3. Sneakers With Dresses
I used to think this looked like you forgot your real shoes.
Now? Preferred. Style and function. What a concept.
4. Repeating Outfits
I used to think every outfit had to be different.
Now I know how exhausting—and pointless—that mindset was.
Repetition isn’t boring—it’s intentional. Consistency is the real luxury.
5. Dressing for Appearance Over Comfort
I used to wear what looked good, even if it didn’t feel good.
Now? If it tugs, clings, or needs constant adjusting—it’s a no.
Confidence starts with comfort.
6. Mixing Metals
I used to think gold and silver had to be kept far, far apart.
One or the other—never both.
Now I layer them without a second thought.
It looks intentional. It feels modern. And I like what I like—no matching required.
✦ Emotional & Identity Shifts
7. Overcommitting
I used to think being busy made me valuable.
That the more I did, the more people would like me.
Now I know real fulfillment comes from doing fewer things that actually align with who I am—and letting the rest go without guilt.
8. Pretending I Knew Things I Didn’t
I used to nod like I understood and Google it later.
Now I say, “I have no idea.”
It’s honest, freeing—and usually leads to a better conversation anyway.
9. Friendships That No Longer Fit
I used to believe every friendship was supposed to last forever.
Now I understand that some people are meant to walk with you for a season.
That doesn’t make the connection less meaningful—it just means we outgrew each other. And that’s okay.
10. Needing to Win Every Argument
I used to need to be right.
Now? I’m still right 😉—I just don’t need you to know it.
Peace matters more than being proven correct.
11. Feeling Sorry for Women Eating Alone
I used to think the woman eating alone at a restaurant must be sad.
Now I envy her.
A glass of wine, a good book, and a few hours with myself? Absolute bliss.
There’s real freedom in dropping the act. In admitting you don’t know. In not needing to prove how much you care, or how capable you are, or that you’ve got it all under control.
✦ Lifestyle & Boundary Shifts
12. Midday Naps
I used to think naps were a luxury I couldn’t afford.
For years, I didn’t sit down, let alone rest. The idea of lying down in the middle of the day felt… imaginary.
Now I schedule them. Twenty minutes horizontal is the most underrated luxury of midlife.
13. Finishing Books I Don’t Enjoy
I used to power through every book out of guilt.
Now? If it doesn’t catch me by chapter three, I move on.
Time is too limited to spend on stories that don’t move you.
14. Impulse Shopping as Self-Care
I used to treat shopping like a mood booster. A quick fix. A reward for getting through the day.
I wasn’t even trying to keep up—I just wanted to feel better.
Now I know that five things from the seasonal aisle at Target won’t solve anything.
Clearing out a drawer brings me more peace than filling another one ever will.
15. Skipping Small Indulgences in the Name of Budgeting
I used to feel guilty for little luxuries.
Now I know the $5 latte isn’t what’s derailing my financial goals.
If it gets me through a Tuesday, it’s worth it.
16. Taking a Break
I used to think I didn’t deserve one.
That if I stopped—even briefly—everything would fall apart.
Now I know rest isn’t weakness. It’s what keeps everything going.
You don’t earn a break by burning out. You take one so you don’t.
A lot of this comes down to capacity—how much I used to give away to things that didn’t matter. Somewhere between career, motherhood, and keeping a house running, I stopped having time to keep up the performance.
✦ Values & Perspective
17. Keeping Up With the Joneses
I used to think we were falling behind because we hadn’t moved to the big “forever” house.
I measured success by zip code.
Now I see how exhausting that mindset was.
The real win is a mortgage you can comfortably afford—and a life that actually feels like yours.
18. Explaining Myself When I Say No
I used to feel the need to justify every “no.”
It came with a full backstory, an apology, and often a baked good.
Now? It’s just “no.” Clear, kind, and honest.
19. Rigid Parenting
I used to think being a “good mom” meant having everything under control.
Schedules, structure, outcomes.
Now I know flexibility, grace, and humor matter more than perfection.
Our kids don’t need ideal conditions—they need us, present and human.
20. Waiting for Everything to Be Perfect
I used to think I had to have it all figured out before I started—
the perfect plan, the right timing, the clean closet, the cleared calendar.
Now I know “perfect” is just procrastination in good lighting.
Life happens in the mess, the middle, the in-between.
You don’t have to be ready. You just have to begin.
I can’t help but think about my younger self.
She would’ve died if she saw me in Birkenstocks.
She wouldn’t recognize the version of herself with a little more chill, a little less to prove.
But that’s the point, right? We’re not supposed to stay the same.
Thank God we don’t. It’s not sustainable.
Eventually, something has to give—and hopefully, it’s the right things.
What’s something you’ve changed your mind about lately?
I’d love to hear.
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