Lucky 44

The more I tried to fit in, the further I moved from my true self.

Last week, I turned 44.

Because my birthday and the new year are so close, I reflect on the year a little early, especially since December doesn't feel like a month; it's just a long marathon of things to do, remember, and hurry up.

44 isn't a milestone birthday, but I had a milestone year.

This was the first year I remember where nothing happened.

There was no drama or trauma, no upheaval or chaos. I didn't have to find an impossible solution to a problem I didn't create or feel sick from stress.

It was just an average year, with the regular ups and downs that come from life, and it was beautiful. 

I told my husband yesterday that this is my first time living authentically and on my terms. I've never felt so confident and comfortable with my decisions.

Even though the first few years of my 40s brought discomfort, they've been wonderfully transformative.

I'm grateful to be on the other side of it all, and now, I can't believe we, as women, live so much of our lives without this level of confidence and self-acceptance.

Imagine how different our lives would look if it didn't take 40 years to realize our worth or that we're not "crazy."