The Elixir To Anxiety is Gratitude

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I have always struggled with bouts of depression. Happily, I've been in a good place for almost a year, the longest I've ever consistently felt like a normal person.

It's been my experience that depression never really goes away. It stands like a shadow, always at an arm's distance. Sometimes, the shadow is large and looming, like I can feel it breathing down my neck.

Other times, it's small, barely noticeable, and doesn't get in my way.

For the longest time, when I was in the depths of it, I would have done anything to feel better but would be utterly overwhelmed at the thought of a basic step forward.

I learned to mask to get through the days, so if you saw me, I looked and sounded like myself. I kept up with work, family, commitments, and all the things, but my dark moments were private and brutal.

I tried everything: talk therapy helped a bit, and medication, which made me feel worse. That's not always the case; sometimes, medicine is precisely what someone needs, and there should be no shame around it; it just did not work for me. I felt worse, lethargic, like someone had zapped my personality.

Luckily, after a period of feeling ok, I gained some clarity and started reevaluating everything in my life. That led to The Year I Burnt to the Ground, and ever since then, things have drastically improved.

But I have to stay vigilant. Over time, I've been able to see the signs of going dark sooner, but it's sometimes hard to identify my emotions.

Am I having a regular frustrating moment, a bad day, OR am I at the doorstep of darkness?

So, getting control of the giant cloud that follows me was a crucial step in my healing. It was messy, but gratitude is one thing that pulled me out and continues to prevent me from falling back in.