Trying to Sleep Better at 45: Kids, Chaos, and a Fan on High
A not-so-perfect path to rest
Things have been a little quiet around here this week. I had every intention of hitting the ground running—last month left me feeling energized and ready to double down on content. But, as life tends to do, it threw a curveball.
An unexpected situation came up (one of those things I can’t really get into), and it’s taken more time and energy than I planned for. I’m okay—just a little off track.
Thank you for your patience. I’m really glad to be back, and this felt like the perfect topic to ease back in.
Let’s talk about sleep.
The kind you crave at the end of a full, real-life day. After work, dinner, sports practices, one more email, one more load of laundry, and a kitchen that somehow got messy again.
I’m 45. My hormones are shifting (to where, I have no idea), life is full, and I’m often a bundle of nerves.
But to be fair, I’ve never been a great sleeper. Even as a kid, nighttime was for rumination. And I’ve always had wild dreams. Then and now. Genuinely bizarre, often deeply disturbing. I once shared one with a therapist I used to see, and she just stared at me a second too long. Couldn't even hide her reaction.
Which, honestly, I found kind of refreshing. Because right? It was nuts.
But I’ve been slowly, intentionally working on it. Not to be perfect, just to feel more rested, less reactive, and like I’m not running on fumes by Thursday.
This is what’s working. A few habits. Nothing fancy. Realistic enough to actually stick with, helpful enough to make a difference.
It starts before bedtime. Like, hours before.
I used to think a bedtime routine started when you brushed your teeth. Now I know it starts late afternoon. Around 4PM, I check in with myself:
– Have I had enough water?
– Have I moved my body at all?
– Did I drink coffee past 2PM and pretend it “doesn’t affect me”?
None of it has to be perfect, but when I hit those basic checkpoints: hydrate, move, cut the caffeine and I feel the difference later.
This isn’t about restriction. It’s about stacking the odds in my favor.
Dinner: earlier and simpler
When I eat a heavy dinner late, I don’t sleep well. It’s that simple. But it’s tricky, because our teenagers rarely walk in the door before 8 p.m., and I’ve always waited to eat with them.
Lately, though, I’ve started eating earlier—usually with our youngest—and keeping it lighter during the week. Not every night, not perfectly, but when I do, I sleep better. Every time.
As much as I love a glass of wine with dinner, I try to save it for weekends. I wish I were someone who could have a glass and drift off peacefully, but even one sip and my heart rate’s up, my sleep is choppy, and I’m waking up sweaty and annoyed. No thanks.
Of course, there are exceptions. I still meet up with friends for a weeknight dinner here and there. But in general, this is the rhythm I try to stick to—and it makes a difference.
The screens are killing us
This is the one I resisted the longest and failed at a dozen times.
I love a nighttime text conversation or scroll. Instagram catch-ups, Substack newsletters, and lately, my favorite, those “day in the life” TikToks from young finance girls in NYC. I could never pull those hours, but I’m oddly proud of them.
But every time I bring my phone to bed, I sleep worse. Without fail.
So now, I’m making more of an effort to read before bed instead. I even set a goal to read 50 books this year. The only downside? I’m usually out cold within a few pages. Not the worst problem to have.
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Next, I’m walking you through exactly what my real-life night routine looks like—nothing polished, nothing curated, just the small rituals that help me end the day on a calmer note (even when the house is anything but calm).
You’ll also find a short list of products I genuinely use and love, nothing sponsored, just what’s worked for me.
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The routine is boring—and that’s the point
Here’s what my real-life night routine actually looks like. It’s not elaborate, it’s not curated, and it’s definitely not done in peaceful quiet, but I do wait until Vivi’s in bed so I at least have a fighting chance.
– Skincare
– Brush hair
– PJs — I do think a matching set feels nice, but you don’t have to spend a fortune
– Magnesium drink mixed (or a cup of sleepy tea - this one knocks me out)
– In bed with a book
– Brush teeth right before lights out
That’s it. Nothing fancy. But the rhythm of it matters, it tells my body: we’re done for the day.
Mind you, there’s still plenty of chaos around me. I’m usually doing all this while the big girls fill me in on the daily tea or we run through the schedule for tomorrow. Honestly, that little nightly debrief has become part of my wind-down, too, it’s another quiet cue to my brain that the day is wrapping up. And if you have teenagers, you know: they have an entirely separate second shift that starts after we go to bed.
The point is, I’m not winding down in some serene, candlelit environment, and that’s okay. That’s just not realistic in this season of life. And it doesn’t have to be.
Brain dump > mindfulness
I’ve tried meditating at night, but I’m just terrible at it. And I think I read somewhere that simply lying quietly before bed can count as meditation? I don’t know. Every time I’ve tried to formally meditate, I end up more stressed than when I started.
So instead, I do a quick brain dump. I keep a notebook next to the bed and just scribble down whatever’s still swirling in my head. No structure, no pressure, just out of my brain and onto paper.
Sometimes it’s a to-do list. Sometimes it’s a single word. I’ve even been known to wake up in the middle of the night, jot something down half-asleep, and fall right back into bed.
Whatever it is, it helps.
Be gentle
I still have rough nights, they're just fewer and farther between now. But we’ve all been there: you fall asleep fine, then wake up at 3AM and stare at the ceiling.
My mind starts racing, running through my to-do list, reliving something embarrassing I said at 12… or 42. I’ve even woken up mid-argument with someone who’s been annoying me. None of it’s helpful. None of it’s good.
That used to send me into a spiral. I’d start clock-watching, which is the absolute worst: If I fall asleep right now, I’ll get 5 hours… 4 hours… 3...
Now, I try to stay calm. I get up. Stretch. Read a few pages. Go back to bed.
And I’ve started saying something to myself—a mantra, for lack of a better word: What could I possibly do about this right now? In the middle of the night? The answer is always the same: nothing.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But I’m learning to be kind to myself either way.
Sleep is never going to be perfect.
But these small, consistent habits help me rest better even in the middle of full, messy, overstimulating days.
A Few Things That Actually Help:
📝 The Notebook
I use this simple and small Moleskin Notebook to clear my head before bed. No rules, just a place to park the mental clutter. I keep it with me all day. In the front, I’ll do my nightly brain dump. In the back, I jot down things I’m grateful for, funny things the kids say, or a happy thought. Again, nothing contrived or time-consuming.
[Shop it here]
🌿 Lemme Sleep
I take two of these almost every night. They help me fall and stay asleep and I don’t feel like I drugged myself in the morning. AND I have a discount code for you! Use code: TWDL15 and save 15%!
[Shop it here]
🎧 White Noise/Fan
Instead of a white noise machine I use the Vornado VFAN Mini Retro Fan (I’ve had mine since 2023). It keeps me cool, I like to be cold when I sleep, and the hum is loud enough to drown out my husband’s snoring. If we’re driving to a hotel, I bring it with me.
[Shop it here]
🛏️ Silk Pillowcase
This was one of those little luxuries I didn’t think would matter until it did. Now we have them on all our pillows. They help keep my hair smoother and my face less puffy in the morning. Bonus: they feel amazing, and there are plenty of affordable options. The ones I use are 100% Mulberry silk and under $25.
[Shop it here]
😴 Weighted Eye Mask
Total game-changer. The gentle pressure instantly helps me relax, and it blocks out every bit of light which is key, since my bedroom is nearly impossible to keep dark. Perfect for travel, or anytime the room isn’t as blackout as I’d like.
[Shop it here]
🌙 Weighted Blanket
Bury me with my weighted blanket, I cannot sleep without it. It’s like my thunder vest. We have a few trips coming up, and I’m seriously considering shipping a budget version to the hotel so I don’t have to go without it.
(The exact one I use is no longer available, but you can find good options almost anywhere.)
📚 On My Nightstand Right Now:
– The Friday Afternoon Club: A Family Memoir by Griffin Dunne
Sleep still isn’t perfect. Some nights are easier than others. But these small shifts—made with intention and without pressure—have helped more than I expected.
And maybe that’s the takeaway. It doesn’t have to be a total overhaul. It just has to support you in this season. Whatever that looks like.
Sweet dreams, truly. I hope something here helps you get a little more rest tonight.
